In times of stress, trauma, or emotional upset, finding ways to calm and comfort ourselves is essential for restoring balance. One of the most effective practices for managing these intense emotions is self-soothing. By tapping into our senses and body, we can reset our physiological systems, regain emotional stability, and cultivate resilience.
What Is Self-Soothing?
Self-soothing is the act of comforting oneself through various strategies that calm the body and mind, especially after experiencing a distressing event. When we face emotional upheaval, our nervous system can become dysregulated, leading to heightened states of anxiety, stress, or panic. Self-soothing helps to reestablish homeostasis — the state of balance our body strives for — and enables us to manage overwhelming feelings more effectively.
Whether it’s after a traumatic experience, an unexpected challenge, or even a minor emotional upset, self-soothing offers a pathway to emotional recovery. For those with anxious attachment styles, being triggered can feel like an emotional earthquake, making self-soothing even more important in managing these reactions.
The Pillars of Self-Soothing
There are several key pillars of self-soothing that target different senses and emotional needs. These strategies can be used individually or in combination to help you regain a sense of calm and stability.
1. Touch
Touch is one of the most immediate ways to activate the body’s relaxation response. It releases oxytocin, the “love hormone,” which helps reduce stress and anxiety.
- Hand on chest: A simple gesture of placing your hand over your heart can create a sense of warmth and connection to yourself.
- Weighted blanket: The gentle pressure from a weighted blanket can stimulate the release of serotonin, promoting relaxation.
- Cuddling or hugging: Physical touch with others can provide comfort and reassurance.
- Warm bath or shower: Immersion in warm water can help soothe tense muscles and calm the mind.
2. Sight
Visual stimuli can help shift our focus away from distress and bring us back to a place of calm. Here are some soothing sight-based strategies:
- Lower the lighting: Bright, harsh lights can feel overwhelming, so dimming the lights can promote a sense of peace.
- Candles: The soft flicker of candlelight can be grounding and calming.
- Coloring books or Pinterest collages: Engaging in creative activities helps distract the mind and fosters a sense of control.
- Reading a book: Escaping into a story can provide emotional relief and a break from overwhelming emotions.
3. Sound
Sound plays a crucial role in regulating our emotional state. Whether through music, nature sounds, or guided meditations, sound can ease anxiety and promote relaxation.
- Guided meditation: Listening to calming meditations can center your mind and slow your breathing.
- Binaural beats: These sounds are designed to promote brainwave synchronization, helping to reduce stress.
- Calming music: Slow, soothing music can calm your nervous system and help regulate your emotions.
- Nature sounds: The sounds of rain, birds, or ocean waves can help restore a sense of inner peace.
4. Taste
Comforting foods and drinks can also help in the process of self-soothing, especially when they’re tied to positive memories or familiar feelings of safety.
- Comforting flavors: Eating favorite, familiar foods can be grounding and emotionally satisfying.
- Warm drinks: Herbal teas, hot cocoa, or a cup of soup can have both physical and emotional soothing effects.
- Favorite meals: Preparing or eating meals you love can evoke feelings of safety and care.
5. Smell
Our sense of smell is deeply connected to our emotions and memories. Using scents can trigger calmness and comfort.
- Aromatherapy: Essential oils like lavender, chamomile, or sandalwood are known for their calming effects.
- Comforting smells: Scents from a warm home, freshly baked cookies, or even a favorite perfume can be soothing.
- Fresh air: Stepping outside and breathing in fresh air can help clear the mind and restore a sense of calm.
6. Connection
When we’re feeling distressed, connecting with others can be an important part of self-soothing. Human connection helps remind us that we’re not alone in our emotions.
- Call a friend or family member: Talking to someone you trust can provide support and reassurance.
- Express your feelings: Being open and honest about how you feel can help release pent-up emotions and bring clarity.
7. Movement
Physical movement can be a powerful way to release pent-up stress and regulate the nervous system.
- Dance or shake it off: Moving your body to music or simply shaking out tension can bring immediate relief.
- Exercise: Physical activity releases endorphins, which promote a sense of well-being and help reduce anxiety.
- Get outside: Walking in nature or simply stepping outside for fresh air can provide both physical and emotional grounding.
8. Feel the Emotions
While self-soothing often involves techniques to calm or distract the mind, it’s equally important to allow yourself to fully feel your emotions. Suppressing or avoiding difficult feelings can prolong distress and prevent emotional healing.
- Allow yourself to feel: Emotions, even painful ones, are part of the healing process. Acknowledge them without judgment.
- Avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms: Steer clear of suppressing feelings with substances or disconnection.
- Do not ignore your emotions: Recognize and validate your feelings, knowing that they are temporary and will pass.
Why Self-Soothing Matters
Incorporating self-soothing practices into your daily routine can help you stay balanced and resilient, especially in challenging times. By actively engaging your senses and connecting with your body, you can manage stress, prevent emotional overload, and promote mental health.
Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, trauma, or everyday emotional upsets, the act of self-soothing is a tool everyone can use to nurture themselves. The key is finding what works best for you, being patient with the process, and giving yourself permission to pause and care for your emotional well-being.
