Because it’s not just you — literally everyone is spiraling a little right now.
Gen Z: If you’ve ever found yourself lying in bed at 2 a.m., doom-scrolling TikTok while asking, “Who even am I?” — you’re not alone. As a counselor who works with teens and young adults, I see this question come up again and again. And it makes sense. You, Gen Z, are growing up in a world that moves at lightning speed, demands constant self-presentation, and somehow expects you to “figure it all out” before you even finish your coffee (or Celsius).
Main Character Syndrome or Just Self-Aware?
Let’s talk about “main character energy” for a second. Is it cringe? Is it self-love? Is it just how people cope now?
Actually, it’s a little bit of everything. In psych speak, we all build what’s called a narrative identity — basically, the story we tell ourselves about who we are (McAdams, 2008). And Gen Z? You’re doing that with more tools (and filters) than ever before. Social media becomes your stage, and you become both the lead and the audience.
Are you curating your life for others, or are you crafting it for yourself?
It’s okay to enjoy the aesthetic, the edits, the vibe — just don’t lose yourself in the performance. A healthy ego doesn’t mean being self-absorbed. It means being self-aware enough to know when you need to pause, reset, and come back to your “why.”
Yes, This Is a Quarter-Life Crisis (And No, You’re Not Failing)
Most people in their 20s are having some version of a quiet meltdown. The quarter-life crisis is real, and it’s not just some buzzword from a wellness podcast. Research shows that during your 20s, your brain is still wiring up — especially the prefrontal cortex, which is in charge of decision-making, future planning, and basically all the adulting stuff (Arain et al., 2013). Add in economic uncertainty, social pressure, and the constant FOMO from seeing everyone else’s “perfect” life online, and of course you’re going to feel overwhelmed.
But you’re not behind. You’re not broken. You’re evolving. Growth is supposed to feel a little uncomfortable. Think of it like the emotional equivalent of breaking in a new pair of Doc Martens — it’s painful, but eventually, you find your stride.
Gen Z: Building an Identity That’s Actually Yours
Identity isn’t something you stumble upon in a college lecture or a late-night Pinterest binge. It’s something you build — slowly, imperfectly, and sometimes painfully. In psychology, we talk about identity formation — the process of exploring who you are, what you believe, what you value. This exploration is especially intense for Gen Z because you’re managing it while being chronically online. Between TikTok therapists, astrology memes, and niche subcultures, there’s no shortage of “ways to be.” But while it’s fun to experiment, what matters most is coming back to what feels real. Not what’s trendy — what’s true.
Gentle reminder: You are allowed to change. You are allowed to not know. You are allowed to take your time.
How to Manage the Quarter-Life Crisis and Identity Confusion
As a counselor, the first thing I want you to know is that there’s no “fix” to this—it’s more about learning how to navigate the journey with patience and self-compassion. Here’s what I’d recommend:
- Embrace Self-Exploration, Not Perfection: There’s no need to have everything figured out. In fact, trying to find a rigid, fixed identity can actually make you feel more lost. Instead, view your 20s as a time to experiment and explore. Explore different interests, career paths, and relationships without feeling the need to lock down a permanent identity just yet.
- Create Boundaries with Social Media: Social media is a double-edged sword—it connects you to others but can also create unrealistic expectations. Take time away from scrolling to re-ground yourself. Set limits on screen time or designate social media-free zones (like before bed or during meals) to give your brain time to reset.
- Practice Mindfulness and Self-Compassion: In moments of self-doubt, try mindfulness techniques—deep breathing, meditation, or simply being present in the moment without judgment. Understand that self-doubt is normal, especially in a fast-paced, comparison-driven world. Practicing self-compassion allows you to approach your own growth with kindness, rather than judgment.
- Therapy or Counseling: If you’re really feeling stuck, therapy can be an amazing tool for unpacking your emotions and fears. It’s not about “fixing” you, but about providing space to understand your thoughts and behaviors.
- Journaling for Clarity: Journaling is a powerful tool for self-discovery. Write about your thoughts, emotions, and life experiences without pressure to make it perfect. It’s not about writing a bestseller; it’s about giving yourself permission to process your feelings freely.
- Reconnect with Your Core Values: When everything feels chaotic, revisit what you truly value. What makes you feel grounded? What brings you joy and fulfillment, beyond external validation? This can help guide your decisions and give you a stronger sense of self when the world feels overwhelming.
Remember, it’s perfectly okay to not have all the answers right now. The fact that you’re questioning who you are shows that you’re growing. Growth is messy, confusing, and frustrating at times—but it’s also beautiful and transformative. You’ve got this.
From One Soul-Searcher to Another
If nobody’s told you this lately: it’s okay not to have a five-year plan. It’s okay to pivot, pause, and start again. Identity isn’t a destination — it’s a lifelong relationship with yourself.
So next time you catch yourself spiraling with the late-night “Who even am I?” existential crisis, try answering with a little more grace and a little less pressure.
Maybe you’re not lost.
Maybe you’re just… in progress.
And honestly? That’s exactly where you’re supposed to be.
References
McAdams, D. P. (2008). The life story interview. Northwestern University.
Arain, M., Haque, M., Johal, L., Mathur, P., & Nel, W. (2013). Maturation of the adolescent brain. Neuropsychiatric Disease and Treatment, 9, 449-461.
